Parenting
Published Mar 11, 2024
By Colleen Dilthey Thomas
a-poselenov/iStock
Turning 16 is a pretty big milestone for many teenagers. It puts them one step closer to adulthood, and for many of them, it means more freedom if they get a driver's license and can hit the road on their own from time to time. Of course, every family is different, and so are the celebrations they choose for their kids. Some families go all out, and others try to keep things simpler. It is certainly a personal choice.
Planning a party can be stressful and expensive even if you only have one child, but adding a sibling or two into the mix can quickly become overwhelming. A single mom of triplet girls posted in Reddit's AITA forum looking for insight into her dilemma with her girls. The three of them want a huge birthday bash to celebrate their Sweet 16, but mom doesn't have the budget they think she does. Is she wrong to tell them they have to share their big day?
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Parties are expensive.
The original poster explained that she typically gives each of her girls some cash to celebrate with their friends, but this year, they have something else in mind. They want a venue, a DJ, and unlimited invites. The idea is way too rich for OP's blood.
"For [their] sweet 16 they want a big par[t]y with a dj a venue and lots of invites. A venue would be around 500 usd and with all the additional things like decorations dj invites food it would be around 1200-1400 usd and that's the cheapest we can do. I can afford that once but they want three individual parties which would be over 4000 usd. I can't really afford 4000 usd for birthday parties so I told them no," she wrote.
OP wants to celebrate her girls, but she also wants them to be reasonable and understand that money doesn't grow on trees.
"I could Throw three smaller parties but it would be a huge hassle deciding who gets to have the party on their actual birthday as I can't plan 3 parties in one day and they have a lot of common family/friends," she explained.
"I was willing to do it anyway but a smaller party means no venue no dj cheaper food and drinks and my daughters aren't okay with that I've tried explaining to them I can't afford it but they just told me to get an extra job. One of them is mad they can't have their own sweet 16s. I told them the budget was 1200 and they could figure out how to spend it."
She thought that was a reasonable compromise but wanted Redditor's advice.
Redditors thought that OP was more than fair.
They weren't getting an a-hole vibe from her at all. Instead, they thought her daughters were totally unreasonable.
"Nope, expecting you to get a second job to fund their birthday parties is ridiculous. If they want these parties so badly, they should be babysitting or doing other age appropriate jobs (like helping the neighbors with yard work or snow removal or house cleaning) so they can come up with the rest of the funds they want," someone pointed out. "Depending on your area and job availability, they might even be able to get food service or retail jobs. You're already giving them almost 3 times their usual birthday budget, and there just isn't more you could reasonably give them."
OP is the parent, and Redditors thought like she needed to emphasize that.
"You're the adult, you're the parent. Not them. If they want to spend that kind of money on birthday parties, tell them to get jobs and pay for it. Otherwise, they can take what's offered and be grateful you're willing to spend that much, or they can go without," someone else wrote.
Some warned that OP needed to be careful.
One person wanted OP to stick to her plan and not let her daughters bully her.
"you would be a major AH though if you got another job because you would be rewarding bad behaviour. You will be teaching them they can disrespect you and demand and get whatever they want by throwing a tantrum and you would be failing to teach them an important life lesson about the value of money," the person wrote. "This will not make them well rounded adults. Your children will not suffer for having smaller or joined parties."
One commenter thought OP may have created this monster.
"YTA for continuing to allow your kids to grow into adults with this kind of mindset. THIS moment right here is one of your last chances to try and mould them into tolerable people before they're old enough to fly the coop. You have a last shot to show them how to treat people and how to be humble, grateful, respectful and appreciative," the person wrote. "That isn't going to happen when you are confronted with this attitude and STILL entertain the idea of spending a small fortune on a party. You made an offer and they declined, not just declined, but did so very rudely and demanded more of you and offered nothing themselves. Life doesn't work like that, so teach them that!"
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These girls need to be grateful.
Reddit users thought the whole crew needed a reality check. One person is providing for four people, and these girls don't seem to get it. Some believe the triplets needed to pitch in a few bucks to understand.
One person offered this advice: "Since they are so bratty, you should tell each of them to get a part time job to fund their own sweet 16 birthday party. Just provide them with a cake each. Forget about funding the 1200 since they are so ungrateful."
TrendingSweet 16Birthday PartyTripletsRedditAITAFamily Drama16th birthdayteenagersraising teensmotherhoodbeing a momparenting
